inspiring. this is what i need to be a part of. just another reminder that when it comes to solving poverty, treating them like a poorer version of us isn’t the answer. and that there is no shortage of opportunity available to those who know it.

as lovely as it is to sip an espresso (here, it’s simply “un café”) in the mornings while snacking on a croissant or a pain au chocolate, i’ve realized that part of moving away and starting a new life is knowing what’s important to keep with me, and what’s worth a change. i’ve become a sucker for breaking a piece off a freshly baked baguette and trying not to inhale it, enjoying 50 centime double espressos at break time, perusing the chocolate bars and always keeping one stashed in my room, and trying my luck at whatever 2€ piece of cheese i feel like trying at the grocery store. i’ve learned the nuances of ordering a bottle of water at the restaurant, opting for “le menu” when it’s available, and replacing my café with “une noisette”, s’il vous plâit.

but there are things i’ve kept with me. sandwich bread (“american style”, as they call it) & cold cuts in my room for lunchtime, eating a full breakfast (instead of the un-filling bread with butter and jam), and always having a stash of instant noodles on hand. it may not be french, it may not be sexy, but it keeps me sane.

(for the record, i’ve already started a list of things i need to bring back after the holidays. on the top: almond butter.)

the thing about moving to a whole new place is that, romantic notions aside, it’s hard! you don’t realize how much of the comforts of home you take for granted until you don’t have them anymore. and you don’t realize how much of yourself is in your habits until they’re different from everyone else’s.

but being in these situations, as challenging as they are, are also incredibly introspective. i’ve learned more about what makes me me in the last month, then i think i ever knew after years of living in canada. and i expect that in the coming months, as i start to work more closely with my group mates from greece, taiwan, china & japan, i will start to see more of those distinct characteristics that i thought were common among everyone.

but for now, i’m content to know that i can contribute. and that there’s a reliable ramen spot in the heart of paris whenever i need a familiar taste. that is, until i get my hands on some asian cooking basics (e.g. soya sauce, oyster sauce, chinese veggies). then i’m bringing home to jouy….

if i could use one word to describe my experience here, i would say it’s been unique (i know people abuse that word, but i mean it this time!). it’s been nearly impossible to make it relatable for my friends back home, or elsewhere. i don’t think you can describe the almost ridiculous, but by now fairly normal situation of having dinner in the cafeteria with a spaniard, japanese, indian, american, italian, brazilian and chinese. and on top of that, they’re all different ages, from different career backgrounds, and with different objectives. but for some reason, at this point in time, we have all converged at the same dinner table to complain about the same awful (but affordable, at 4€) meal. it’s something i’m not even sure i’ve been able to come to terms with yet. let alone that paris is only an hour and 3€ away. like i said, surreal.

over the last three weeks the one question i’ve been asked time and time again, is “what do you want to do after this?”. and like most people here, the answer is “i don’t know, but i’m here to find out”. it’s almost comforting to be amongst similarly curious and ambitious minds, but when all the doors are open, it’s a little intimidating to find the one you want to walk through. i came here thinking i would be able to completely redefine my path and find out what i really wanted. but so far all the career advice and self-analysis questionnaires have led me to believe that indeed, management consulting is my best path forward. i guess for the time being, my path is still straight. but i’m determined to make it bend.

how? well, there are a few options i’ve been toying with. one thing i’m sure of is that my interest in bottom of the pyramid (BoP) markets remains. but what piece i play in that is still in question. what i’ve been grounded by lately is the idea that mba graduates find their ideal jobs not immediately after, but usually two jobs after completing their degree. the rate of success in switching sector, function & geography at once is low. but the success in switching one or two of these factors is high. all of this has led me to believe that i can have that BoP job in under 5 years. but for now i need to hedge my bets on where i can make the best next move. and to me, that means south east asian markets.

so. the new game plan (for now, until my dreams for the future change again) has become consulting for a major firm in south east asia. and that might mean a double-degree MBA with the National University of Singapore (NUS). maybe with an internship in paris before i head over? and that social business certificate from HEC Paris that i’ve been drooling over for so many months?

the ambitious dreaming lives on. it looks like that part of me isn’t ready to quiet down just yet.

I don’t think I can justly express the impact you’ve had on my life in the last 1.5 years. I could call you a colleague, mentor, older brother, all-around rockstar, etc, but I think the best I could do would be to simply call you a really great friend.

If I’ve learned anything in my time here, it’s the importance of finding the people who understand your strengths, support the ways you want to grow, and encourage you to take chances where you might doubt yourself. You’ve not only done those things for me, but have helped me identify and bring out those qualities in other people in my life as well. To say that you had a hand in shaping my career here would be an understatement. To say that your attitude and drive influenced me wouldn’t even be close to the truth. I would not be who I am today without you. As much as you might try to give me all the credit, I’m certain that my mind won’t be changed in this. But we can keep tossing compliments at each other if you disagree

No matter what challenges and opportunities life might throw at you in the next two years, don’t for a second doubt whether or not you have what it takes to succeed. I never have, and you have never disappointed. From here on in, the only limit to how far you go is how big you can dream. So dream big. I mean really, really BIG.

Take care friend, and stay in touch. I hear Paris is beautiful for a visit in the Spring

Bisous,
Nicole

i say, “work in indonesia, there’s lots of opportunity there.”

but tonight, it’s different. i’m awake and i’m restless. this last week has driven me out of my mind. have you ever had those moments where you’re happy until something comes along to make you perfectly unhappy? i’m having one of those moments now. or several of them.

it’s funny because, until about a week ago, i was convinced that i had my life under control. i knew what i wanted and i knew i was going to get there. everything was as good as i could’ve hoped it could be. but i was also in a bubble. it was a great bubble mind you, but a bubble nonetheless. and only when it popped did i start to realize that i didn’t have everything i wanted. the ironic part is, not only did i realize that i didn’t have what i wanted, but i also only realized it after i found out i couldn’t have it. how’s that for punishment?

in the end, it’s all the same really. first i didn’t know that i wanted what i could’ve had, and now i can’t have what i know i want. and you know what? i don’t think this is the first time this has happened. my life seems to be very good at playing out this exact sequence over and over again. and yet, i never learn. i’m constantly playing it safe and closing doors i didn’t even know were open, because i was facing the wall the whole time.

i’ve been here before. and i’m certain that i need to do something to make sure that it doesn’t happen anymore. i need to break the cycle.

maybe i’ll start by trying to get some sleep.